Losing Someone You Love

Love. One of the most beautiful complexities of life for sure! That initial feeling of euphoria, the blissful courtship phase, the mature laid-back phase, the (maybe) taking-for-granted phase and the final break-up phase, easily the hardest... 

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The scars that you can’t see are the hardest to heal…

- Anonymous

Have you ever lost someone you love - be it in a relationship, in an accident, or in death?

Losing someone – a dear friend to a misunderstanding, or a loved one in a relationship – is as painful as losing someone to death; the only difference being that you cannot recall the dead, so you ultimately resign yourself to the inevitable. But in a break-up or misunderstanding between friends, you always cling to the false hope that everything will be as rosy as before.

Memories of the happy times in the relationship keep haunting your every waking hour. Familiar places and landmarks bring tears to your eyes, as you try, day after day, to lead a normal life.

But the pain that engulfs your entire being is something you can only experience first hand. Even the finest counsellor cannot prepare you for the feeling of complete and utter hopelessness that flows through the blood and in your veins.

You keep blaming yourself for the failed relationship, and keep wishing that everything was as beautiful as earlier.

Happy memories bring more sadness than happiness, more tears than laughter. Every little word of love that was professed from your partner or friend’s lips now seems like a poison that spreads to all your organs, slowly torturing you and ultimately sapping out the light from your life.

The days seem long, and the nights cruel. You cry yourself to sleep, wishing you could confide in the very person who broke your heart, to show him / her that you still care, that you still need them. Knowing that they are far way, not knowing how you feel, probably not even thinking about you, hurts more than the parting ever did.

Your days are a haze of lights, and a rush of voices. You walk around isolated – nursing your broken, wounded heart, dying a hundred deaths, and wishing that the pain would stop.

And then you look at the world like a President does through the bullet-proof glass window of his limousine – sheltering yourself from the hurt and the pain - yet longing to go out, be one with the world and not remain shackled to the four walls of confinement.

Kind, sympathetic words only make you more vulnerable. Sayings like “It is for the best” bring more anger than comfort, and words like “Be brave”, though true, sound too philosophical. Bouts of anger are often followed by buckets of tears.

And just when you think that you will be alright, you see two lovers walking hand-in-hand, or two friends laughing, joking and making merry. And the pain bursts forth like before, weakening your new-found resolve, shattering your peace of mind and draining you of the little happiness you had found in that short span of time.

But like they say, there is always a rainbow after the rains. And Time is a great healer. Though Time cannot completely heal the scars, it can make them considerably lighter.

Involving yourself in your daily routine, listening to healing music, and confiding in a friend or grown-up makes the journey to the other side easier and less painful.

If you can learn from your past failures without any bitterness or spite for the one who broke your heart, then it is worth all that you have gone through. For then, you have grown into a more tolerant, mature, stronger and wiser person.

And finally the day will arrive when you will be able to look back at the memories as a learning experience, and smile instead of cry. You will be able to thank God for giving you all those wonderful moments to share with that ‘special someone’.

And that is the day when you have learnt to let go. You have freed yourself and the other from the fetters of sorrow and confinement. You feel free, liberated and whole.

It is moments and memories like these which make life the beautiful journey that it truly is. For, unless you experience the rain, how can you enjoy the sunshine?